A Mother's Notes

Its a beautiful day today and I just finished a nice 5K and witnessed a wonderful sun rise!
I come back and look at my son..what an angel he looks like..

I just lie beside him and watch him sleep...he must be dreaming of some cars or spider man..
I gently touch him and he grabs my hand and goes back to deeper sleep!
What a sense of complete trust this child has on me!

I watch him and wait for him to open his eyes and give me his first smile of the day!!
and right there, I realize , that I just have it all in life!
Just lying down there and waiting for him to wake up!
What a moment of peace!!

I had looked for this peace all my life! I started by thinking it will come when I graduate..
or when I get that dream job or when I find the man of my life!!
Each time I reached the goal post..peace still seemed far away!

And when this child came into my life, I had completely dreaded him! Dreaded the sleepless nights and never ending diapers

But today as I watch him..it dawns on me,that this is indeed the moment I had been longing for ,
He has effortlessly transformed me!
From a "I ME MYSELF" thing to simply everything else except "I ME MYSELF..."
I would give up everything I have in life, just to keep him happy and peaceful for ever!

This moment seems to complete me! Wish I could cling to it for Eternity!

No More

No more paths to tread,
No more places to be,
No more skies to fly,
No more shores to seek.

No more needs to meet,
No more thirst to quench.
No more pleasures to seek,
No more aches to heal

No more goals to work,
No more races to win.
No more egoes to please,
No more battles to survive.

No more love to share,
No more hatred to bear,
No more future to dream,
No more past to forget.

No more hearts to break,
No more friends to make,
No more strangers to seek,
No more enemies to hate.

Now, is the time for NO MORE.
Today,Life looks more fleeting than ever.
As One more sun rises, One more sun sets,
All that remains is an entity called me,
An unanswered question,
And that familiar all pervading Alone-ness.

To God with Love!

What I would not give to be one with the wind..
To be swept away by those majestic waves..
To be flying along with those beautiful birds..
To be one with the warm morning rays...

What I would not give...to bathe in your radiant smile..
To be melted away completely by your love...
To lay all my burdens in your shoulders...
To forget my whole existence in your arms..

What I would not give...to see your beautiful face...
To burn all my ego at your lotus feet.
To break all the chains with Thy Grace...
To leave it all and thereby have it all...

What I would not give...for that one moment of Truth
For that ultimate Freedom of Spirit,
For that split second Tryst with the Eternity,
For that state of Complete Knowing...

But, All I know is,I m completely ignorant..
I am just so full of ego..
I have no where to go..
I am back to where I started..

I simply dont understand what is going on..
I dont know where I should look for you..
I dont know how you will look, even if I find you...
I dont even know if you DO EXIST..

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Women Reservation Bill!

"After 60 years of independent India, only 10 per cent women have been able to make it to Parliament."
This is one statistic collected by Maragaret Alva!!

Is this any measure of progress of women in India!! Lets be reminded here, that India is one of the few nations with a woman Prime minister, a woman president and a couple of woman chief ministers as well!! all without any reservations!!

Reservation in any form is the ugliest thing you can do in a system.! Reservation for women, reservation for so called backward classes, reservation for minorities and soon we will have reservation for dogs and cats!! (we believe in animal rights dont we! :-))

This reservation can never free the so called oppressed. It will deepen the divide in the society and create new ways for vote bank politics to thrive. If we really think some section of the society is under privileged, then we should give them free education, free seats in colleges and maybe think about some special need based trainings!
Reservation does not enable people , it handicaps them and the system as a whole!

Today,even if there is 50% reservation for women, I wont consider a career in politics, simply because its the place where thugs thrive! You need a criminal record to survive as a politician in India!

On the other hand ,If we focus on cleaning the political gutter ,on ways to improve the law and order in the country,on achieving transparency in governance, we will not only see more women, but more intelligentia leading the country . This is exactly the need of the hour!! And as usual we will do everything except what is needed and that's what we are doing currently - debating on reservations!!

Aristotle says "If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."and I add this humbly "If all the money in the world has no meaning, then what significance do men have :-)".

Jokes apart, a woman will always find her way if she wants, and she doesnt need any of this damn reservation!

Evolution!

Man is a social animal...
The most evolved species on earth.
The one with the sixth sense....
Thats how we are defined...in the modern terms..

I look around me...Killings in Srilanka, Terror in Pakistan, Abuse and exploitation in India, Killings in Nepal, Rebel problems in North east, Women abuse in Middle East, Gender bias horrors in Saudi Arabia (courtesy Princess of Saudi Arabia), child abuse in Ireland religous schools and orphanages,and I stop here...I can go on like this for the next half an hour and I still would not be able to put a full stop to this list.

Any man with common sense, seems to all the time blame religion or caste or creed !!! But I wonder!! Is it really the religion or the caste or creed?

I dont think so..I have to painfully observe that we are all diseased!Dieseased from within,A disease much more dangerous than AIDS or Cancer.

If it is inter - religion in kashmir, then its language and ethnicity in Srilanka.
If its gender bias in middle east , then its racism in Europe,
If it is the jews and non-jews in the west, then its communism in the East,
If its poverty in Africa, then its just clery institutions in well developed nations like Ireland .
Or if nothing, then its the famous skin color !!!

For some reason or the other, we seem to be always killing;Killing each other...
Religion is just an excuse, if its not religion, then even skin colour would do...
and if we are of the same skin, then gender differences would do.
So it all , still boils down to survival of the fittest.

I wonder where we have come from and where we are going as humans. Is indeed anything called humanity left?

I dont know..the more I follow the current affairs, the more I think we are degenerating...Yes you can call me a pessimist,but this is the world I see as of today.

The need of the hour is a lot of healing,within and all around, but sadly I just dont know where to find it!!

The Journey

"Tringg!! Tringg!! Goes the bell!! Hey! It’s the Hogwarts bell, trying to call everybody for dinner? Oh no!! Voldermort is back and the bells ringing!! No way.. I thought he was dead long back and Harry was living quite happily ever after!! No, No!! It’s my favourite morning alarm, trying its best to wake me up into reality.

There you go; It’s 5 0'clock!!I am up and I thank my alarm and look at my husband and son. What an angel my son looks like when he is sleeping!! Well soon he will be up and ready to drive me crazy!!!

So I rush to get the cooking done, to pack his bags and my bags and to check my emails (this constant email checking syndrome!! Never been able to get out of it). And I keep looking at the clock all the time. It’s now seven in the morning and out come my boys. My husband does a good job managing the little monster and getting him ready for the day!! Then clock strikes 8 and we all run down for the day!! Out for a long journey!!!

I drop my son, get to my seat at work with a coffee and I am all charged up for my code. You see I have already checked my emails and this saves a ton of my time at work. Then the day begins!! Goals! Short ones and long ones. Meetings!! People and of course a lot of corporate language. I feel elated that I have delivered another project again, ahead of schedule!! (This keeps me going!!) I still keep looking at the clock. Then I realise that looking at the clock all the time is made me extremely efficient under pressure and I give myself a pat!!
Then the clock strikes 6 and I run down again to get my son. Then we play for a while before we hit the sack!!!

This is my everyday journey and eventually the journey of my life!!! Sometimes, I wonder, why and where I seem to be running all the time. That is a million dollar question of my journey!!
One day my husband tells me that this running is not enough and I better start a morning run to keep tab of my health! Yes, every machine needs to be maintained you see :-). Anyways I tell myself what is the big deal, I run the whole day and running for half an hour in the morning shouldn’t be a problem.

So I get up everyday a little earlier and run to the beach!! I love sitting at the beach and watching the waves!! Everything seems so small when you look at the sea!! Hence I make that beach my goal!! And I run. Hell!! It’s so difficult running ...my legs ache, my heart burns! And I just don’t like it at all. But the sight of the beach, the early morning rays of the sun, the smell of the morning air, keeps me pushing, to run everyday!! I hated the run, but loved the beach. So I kept running!!

Then one day, as I sat at the beach, watching the sun rise, it hit me!! It hit me like a thunderbolt!! It was almost like someone shook me from a deep slumber.
It’s not the destination which makes a journey!! It’s the journey, in itself which makes it worth going!!

On my way back, I looked at the birds!! What a freedom of flight they enjoy!!!
I was smiling for the first time during my run!! Then I look below, the mangrove forest is full of crabs and millions of creatures brimming with life..!! Nature!! Once again conquers me!! Then I look around, the dew drops on the grass and the smell of the flowers.... they seem to be talking to my soul. Then some familiar faces, waving nicely to me!! What warm smiles!! ..
And then even before I realised, I was back home and time had just disappeared. From that day, I could run, run much longer than I had ever done before!!

I had been too obsessed with goals, that I missed the sheer fun of the journey all the time!! Run for the sake of running, work for the sake of working and love for just the sake of loving and then this journey suddenly becomes a miracle!! The soul wakes up in this journey and you no longer care where it goes. As long as you are part of the journey!! And death becomes just a stop over between the flights!!

To see the whole world in a grain of sand,
To see the heaven in a wild flower,
To live seconds rather than moments,
To die anytime with a smile,
Oh my lord, make my journey divine
That my soul remains awake all the time.